Growing up in the shadow of trauma

Arlina holds onto her mum’s hand. It’s the only one she trusts to bring her safety, comfort, and security.

It is the first day of Summer Camp in Albania, where children can be seen running, singing, and playing in the sunshine. But 7-year-old Arlina can only watch. Her hand is locked tightly around her mum’s, and she does not want to let go.

Arlina* has grown up in the shadow of trauma. She has never had close friends, except for her mum. Arlina is the only daughter of Rina, 41 - who for five years, endured relentless physical and emotional abuse from her ex-husband. He attacked her with knives and screwdrivers, and during one violent outburst aimed at Rina, Arlina’s hand was injured too. Rina now has 95% vision loss.

When she later discovered that her ex-husband had a history of domestic violence, including a previous marriage that ended with a four-year prison sentence for abuse, she made the decision to divorce him. She was determined to protect her daughter.

But how can Arlina, a young girl, know what freedom is meant to look like, when her whole life has been filled with fear?

From fear to friendship

“I just want to have a friend… someone to play with,” Arlina whispered, her eyes fixed on the ground. Her father’s violence had left her shy and deeply insecure. Making new friends was a step she wanted to take, but she didn’t know how.

When Arlina was invited to go to Summer Camp, they also invited her mum to come along as a camp volunteer.

“When we arrived, I could see the fear in her eyes,” Rina said. “There were so many children, so much noise and activity. She immediately clung to my hand and whispered, ‘don’t leave me, mum!’”

“I didn’t want to leave my mother. I was afraid,” Arlina said softy. “Some girls asked me to play with them. But I preferred to stay with my mum close to me.”

But after a few days, Arlina’s eyes were opened. Beyond the hand of her mother, the rest of the world was scary and couldn’t be trusted. But now, there were other good things to hold onto in this world. More people to trust, friends to make, and blessings to enjoy.

Freedom from abuse

By the end of camp, letting go of her mum’s hand no longer meant going towards something dangerous. Now, it meant stepping out of the shadow she had been living in to experience activities, worship, crafts, encouraging conversations, and Bible stories. It meant sitting with other children, picking up paintbrushes, and laughing during games. Now, she wasn’t only holding her mother’s hand, but all of her friends’ hands, too.

And this is exactly what Rina had hoped for, just like any other loving mother.

“For me as a mother, it was very emotional. I saw her smiling in a way I hadn’t seen for a long time. She wasn’t thinking about the past or our problems; she started being a child,” Rina said.

“When we went home, she told me, ‘Mum, I want to come back next Summer.’ That gives me hope that she’s beginning to heal. After all the pain we have been through, seeing my daughter look forward to something so joyful is a blessing.

“I also had a great week that I could never have dreamed of before,” she added. “In Albania, women are often treated like slaves. We’re seen as less than men. I’ve suffered so much that I even lost a child during pregnancy because of the stress.”

Yet, Rina has also been given new hope, just like her daughter. They are both are a part of the Family Sponsorship program, and have started to join in with the community’s activities. Despite surviving on a disability pension of just 14,000 ALL ($239 AUD) per month, she has returned to studying elderly care so that she can provide stability for Arlina.

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*Arlina and Rina's names have been changed to protect identity